Goodbye 2020!

Thursday, December 31, 2020

Today is the December 31st of 2020. Well, I never thought that 2020 will over in just about 12 hours. To be fair, we should agree that 2020 is a very tough year for everyone in the world. The pandemic has changed everything in life. Then, so many sad and depressing event has happened throughout this year.

In this post, I would like to try to recap what happened in my life in 2020. Of course, it won't be full of sunshine. There will be a lot of downfall state in my life. But, to write it all down could make my heart feel easier, right? So, let's begin.

Source: Google, edited by me


My highlight in January was when I finally got a chance to spend almost one month at home. After I got my job in early December 2019--and the fact that I could do my job at home, I decided to go home. I spent most of my time working and meet some of my friend that month. To be honest, there is no much going on this month, but I was very grateful because I could be at home for almost a month.


After I got back to Jakarta, the day after it, me and my best friend, Nurul and Supri, went to Semarang to attend our senior's wedding, Kak Rina. Well, actually we got her wedding invitation from around November 2019. So, we decided, no matter what happened, we should come. 

Because we only had a very short time to stay at Semarang, we couldn't explore much. Me sad when remembering this. But after all, it felt so good that we can escape for a while.

Ps. This is my last trip before the pandemic. So, I felt very grateful.


Have you ever imagined that we will get experienced life on pandemic? To be honest, I never imagined that. I just thought that pandemic would only happen on movie or novel.. but, seems like my assumption was wrong. As long as I remember, the first cases of COVID-19 in Indonesia were found in March. After that, everyone had panicked. They did a lot of panic buying and most of the government try to implement large-scale social restrictions (PSBB). 

Start from this month, I know that this pandemic won't be over immediately. I have ready to not come back home at Eid of Mubarak. I have prepared my self.

Ps. I finally fell for BTS' rabbit hole and I am very grateful.


It's my birthday month. I am officially 24 in 2020. I spent my time working and explore a lot of things. Anyway, since I could do my work remotely, the work-from-home policy didn't affect me as I had to do WFH from the very start.

But, I have to remember that in April, I reluctantly to go anywhere. I always decline to go out because I was very scared of this pandemic situation. I bought most of my necessities online. I only go out of my rent room to buy some food supplies at the Supermarket. It felt so scary, tho.

Anyway, for my birthday, I was very flattered because he remembers it. But, I never know that it will be our last message before he was completely gone without saying anything.


I think May is my BTS' month since I put a lot of my energy to learn about BTS. I learned about their journey and struggle. It made me realized that BTS was not your typical boy band. Most of the songs from BTS has helped me to love myself more.

Well, It would be a lie if I didn't say that my heart shattered because he was gone from my chat. I still can cry if I remember everything that happened in the past few years. Then, when I learned BTS' discography, I could get a lot of new perspectives. Those perspectives at the end of the day helped me to be more grateful and rise up from a ton of negative thought that I had.

I was very happy this month because I finally can divert my attention from him to BTS. I no longer felt that much sad. I tried to be more positive and leave my thought about him behind.

Ps. I made it to join 30 days BTS' song challenge on my Telegram. You could see how much happy I am, right?


It's BTS FESTA's month. Because I have drowned to the BTS' rabbit hole, I was fully aware of every event that BTS held. This was my first FESTA experience and I am really excited. The final event for BTS Festa was Bang Bang Con the Live that broadcasted through Weverse. I and my fake big sis decided to buy the ticket and very excited because this was the first online concert held by BTS and Big Hit. 

When I had ready to watch the concert, I realized that there is a notification on my hidden chat. I almost cursed that time because I never expect that he will come back after two months has passed. At that time, I realized that I still want him even though I knew that I am just another person in his life. 

Aside from that, I found that TXT--BTS' little brother is also interesting. So, I decided to follow their journey too.


My working life is still the same. So, there is no much happening. 

Then, my fangirling life has gone deeper. I decided to explore the Bangtan Universe because it is so damn interesting. It is very exciting to learn about the connection between the story, music video, and all in BU. It's like full of mystery and theory. Finally, I tried to read the notes from the album and the book. It's fascinating to me.

Another highlight from this month was finally Indihome open their restrictions for Netflix. Finally, I can watch Netflix from the original apps and not using VPN. Because of that, I started to binge-watching K-drama, start from Sky Castle until Itaewon Class. Then, I tried to start my journey to learn Korean. Well, at least I can read and write hangul for now.


Life is full of Dynamite! 

It's BTS' comeback month. Dynamite finally released and has topped most of the charts in the world. It's BTS' fist number 1 on Billboard Hot 100. I am very proud of them, tho. Then, I took interest to play BTS World. At first, I didn't understand how to play the game, but after trying it here and there, finally, I know how to manage that game. 

Since I want to make a little contribution to BTS' achievement, I included Dynamite to my playlist and play it all day. It was exciting to wait for the Billboard Hot 100 announcement and get that ARMY experience.


How do I start to talk about this month? 

August and September are In the Soop's time. I enjoy watching these BTS' new show. I can push all of my worries aside and enjoy the show.

Then, even though there are a lot of ups and down in my delusional life, I still can manage to send my birthday wishes to him. In some way, I felt like a fool for still being nice to him after a lot of things that happened. But, maybe, I just can't help.

One thing that I never expect could happen is when he literally buy me GoFood. Well, to be honest, I thought he would decline and didn't bother about my wish. So, I was very surprised because he really did that. Do I happy? Of course, I am. 

After that, I don't know how it starts... but our conversation is going to be deeper and deeper since then.


Did I enjoy my working life? Of course, I am. It's very flexible and not that much stress. One day, my former supervisor told me about a new vacancy at one of NGO. That moment, I just give it a try. I never set any expectations and very surprised that I got the interview invitation after passing the written test. I tried my best and just can hope for the result.

My fangirling life still happening. Map of the Soul ON:E concert is one of my agendas in October. It was my first experience for BTS' official concert. Even though it was an online concert, it still amazing.

About my delusional life, finally, I know the truth from him. Sadly, even though I've been very blunt, he still didn't get my point.


The highlight from this month was, I finally got a new job, that actually that I didn't plan at all. Therefore, I decided to come back home. Well, this was my first trip since the outbreak. I was anxious back then but fortunately, nothing happened.  

I spent 10 days at home happily. I met my friend, cooked with my sister, and etc. I feel very recharged after all of my up and down this year.

Well, on this month, I and he didn't really talk that much--because he was very busy like usual and never look me as his priority. But, I never know that at the end of November, I will have a very serious talk with him.

It only started with my opinion regarding smoking. Then, it leads up to so many things. I felt very moved because finally, he is open to me--literally open. Some of his confessions are not really surprising for me because I have expected that. But, it would be a lie if some of them didn't make me a little bit shocked. 


I am starting my new job. So many things that I should learn and it makes me excited. In some way, I know that I am still lacking, but my supervisor and all of my colleagues at the office really help me out. I hope, I can give a positive contribution when I am taking this role.

About him again, it felt so surreal that he is there almost every day in December. I still didn't know about how he looked at me since our serious conversation in November. But, I've been very blunt to him and he noticed it. I don't know what the future will hold for me and him. I couldn't set my expectations that high because I know it will hurt so much if I did that. Therefore, I just want to embrace this moment with him until it last.

Anyway, I don't know what's happening, but please, be safe and healthy. I just can hope there is no something bad happened to you. I would pray for you, tho. Well, you haven't promised me anything, but let's meet next year... and please keep your another promise that you've ever said.

Well, that's a wrap for 2020. I don't know what will happen in 2021, but I would like to do my best for my job and life. I just wanna be happier as much as I can.

Goodbye, 2020! Thanks for made me learning a lot throughout this year.

Puji P. Rahayu
2020.12.31 12.53 PM

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